Thought you might like to know that I’m putting together a collection of stuff that never made it past the embryo stage, and some of it can only be described as a creative premature ejaculation.

It’s called False Start and can be found at http://falsestartstories.wordpress.com Hopefully it’ll be updated every week day.

In the near future I should have some more stuff to chuck up on this poor neglected blog too.

Introducing a brand new mini series!  Bob’s decided to spread his message to the rest of the world and has set his sights on France.

Join him in the first of his French travelogues as he makes his way across the English Channel (or The Anglo-French pond if you’re watching in the future) on a Norfolk Line ferry and stops in French supermarket E.Leclerc to get a bite to eat.  Thrilling stuff!


I’ve never made a New Year’s Resolution that didn’t run along the lines of “Owww, oh God, oh God, I’m never touching booze again”. I’m a great judge of my own ineptitude and understand that there’s no way I’ll be able to keep myself on task for some exercise in self-control or scheduling, I’m far too much of a flakey bastard for that.

Well that all changed on the murky-headed morning of this year’s January 1st.

While cooing at my hangover and soothing it with the first of the books in the lovely bound edition of The Complete Sherlock Holmes I got for Christmas, an idea came to me. What if I promised to read a book a week for the entirety of this coming year?

Surely this is a task that would prove me to be a worthwhile human? And a goal that I could very possibly complete to boot.

In fact, this was a task that would absolve me of any of the many wrong doings I would commit in the coming year.

“I’m sorry for calling you an immoral whore last night. What? I then proceeded to pinch your bottom and tell you I could be the Green Lantern, and you my sexy Power Ring? Well, I’m sorry for that too, but I did finish off the Hemingway that I’ve been reading this morning, so that’s more than atoned for it.”

Green Lantern's power comes completely from willpower...

Februarys just passed and by my count that makes 8 books I should’ve devoured, have I managed to keep on top of it?

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Roy Granger’s Audioblog

I’ve been doing an audioblog for a chap named Roy Granger, but have just been too lazy to put it up here.

So here’s some of it.

Go on, have a listen to another one.

You can find more of them here.

Doctor Who Haiku (Whoku)

I’m definitely edging on the dodgy side of fandom now, I’ve been writing Haikus about Doctor Who.

I’ll share a couple with you now, I’ll probably end up adding a few more of them on twitter with the hashtag #whoku.

    City of Death

Mona Lisa smiles
with her sisters; Scaroth’s selves
ripple time’s waters.

    The Silurians

Ancient reptiles slept.
Squatters sprouted overnight,
beds became mass graves.

More nerdiness from me later…

Below is a very long conversation I had earlier at omegle.com

Go there and you too can act that like a raging twat.


You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i
Stranger: am
Stranger: bored
You: have you thought about learning to juggle?
You: if you learnt how, you could join the circus and then you’d never be bored
Stranger: lols
Stranger: i already am a circus artist
Stranger: i can juggle
Stranger: i can breathe fire too
Stranger: but im stuck with 3 clubs
Stranger: i can do 3 balls pretty easily
You: can you juggle pins too?
You: cos if you can, then might i suggest you move onto penguins next
You: they’re almost the same shape as pins and i’m sure no one has done it before
Stranger: you dont juggle penguins
Stranger: knives yes
Stranger: chain saws yes
Stranger: live animals
Stranger: no
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Summertime’s rolling round and with it comes a new series of Bobby’s Tips!

As a warm up we’ve released a rap video to whet your appetites and make the promise that I’ll be prostituting my dignity for cheap laughs like I never have before.